My people come oh trouble don reach na Lion Mountain. This low kingdom is full of tin dem! Hope what Ancestor Maskita told me is not true! I was just told that the Anti Convicts and Criminals (ACC) Star Witness in the Timbergate Trial has disappeared with speed. To say Sorious Sam Sumana has disappeared is an understatement; because I was actually told that the guy ran away from the Lion Mountain yesterday like a frightened rabbit. That also is another understatement. The man is nowhere to be found. In fact sef, this is a case of adjective misroad. This Ariogbo is lost of word as to the right description to give to the act of Sorious Sam Sumana. But all the same, the guy done loss!
This is strange oh! Judge Gaddafi is already here to commence with the trial of Sorious Sam Sumana who was arraigned yesterday in the Ariogbo Inquest, refused bail with speed and ordered to be remanded inside the Ariogbo Maximum prison. Sorious took a plea yesterday and the matter was adjourned to today for the testimony of the Haja Zeera congosa journalist.
Join me inside the Ariogbo Court Room for the testimony of Sorious.
JUDGE GADDAFI INSIDE THE COURT ROOM
JUDGE GADDAFI: My fellow powerful Ariogbos and ordinary human beings, I greet you all in the name of the ninety nine gods of our sweet kingdom. I am here this morning to continue the trail of Sorious Sam Sumana who stands accused of publishing libelous materials with malice. He was refused bail yesterday after taking a plea. My decision to order his detention was based on the fact of his plea confession stating that he was guilty small and not guilty borku. Today, you are all going to listen to his testimony. Witch Ariogbo Police; come with the accused person so he can testify.
ARIOGBO POLICE: Sorry sir, there is a little problem. In fact sef, let me tok true; there is dombolo in the Ariogbo Kingdom. Something mysterious has happened. I am even afraid to say it sir; please forgive us. In fact, I take the god of the hills and the valleys beg you, please have mercy on us. Judge Gaddafi, sorry for we.
JUDGE GADDAFI: You are delaying the proceeding Mr. Police Ariogbo. Whatever you might be trying to say is not relevant to this hearing. My request to you was simple and straight forward: get me Sorious now!
ARIOGBO POLICE: That is exactly the point ma. Sorious Samura has mysteriously disappeared from detention last night. He has run away from the Ariogbo Kingdom.
JUDGE GADDAFI: Please tell me you are joking. Sorious run away? E fiba film! How is that possible? I smell connivance here; I smell something very fishy. How come did you allow Sorious to disappear just like that?
ARIOGBO POLICE: We are very sorry sir. It all started when you ordered the detention of Sorious yesterday. While we were dragging him with speed and malice to the Ariogbo Central Prison, he started to weep bitterly like a young baby and made some confessions to us. He confessed that he could not defend the charges brought against him, as according to him, he does not know betteh book. We decided to listen to him and on arrival at the Ariogbo Central Prison; we decided to put him behind counter. We did that because we know you will subsequently convict him and he would be remanded at the balcony of the Ariogbo Central Prison. We don’t want him to get used to the Ariogbo Prison, thus the decision to put him behind counter. At about 2am, midnight in the Ariogbo Kingdom, one of the Witch Ariogbo police spotted him sneaking out of the counter. Asked what he was attempting, Sorious lied that he was going to ‘pissabaydi jankoliko korkor yawo’.
Few minutes afterwards, the police noticed that Sorious had actually packed his bundle and disappeared to an unknown kingdom. The Ariogbo Police Boss called Momoh Ranka then activated all the witch glasses to track and capture the congosa journalist but he was no where to be found inside the Ariogbo Kingdom. I later tracked his dorty foot prints at the border separating the Ariogbo Kingdom and the Human Kingdom. In other words, sir, Sorious has escaped from the Ariogbo jurisdiction to the human kingdom. We are very sorry sir.
JUDGE GADDAFI: What a shame on you! Where is the Ariogbo Police Boss called Momoh Ranka? In fact sef, I don’t want to see his ugly face here. Wherever you see him, just tell him to tender his resignation with immediate effect. Big man bigful. So tell me, will Sorious ever return to this Kingdom?
ARIOGBO POLICE: That I cannot say precisely; but we are working on it. We have activated all our tracking mirrors. Let us put fingers cross, and hope to bring him here by September or October or November or December or Pacember.
JUDGE GADDAFI: What do you mean by Pacember?
ARIOGBO: Judge Gaddafi, it’s a shame that you are asking the meaning of Pacember. But since you are a Judge, I will answer you question. Pacember is the last month of the Ariogbo Year. Interestingly however, Pacember only comes once in a century.
JUDGE GADDAFI: Who told you I did not know that Pacember is the last month in the Ariogbo Year? I merely asked you because I want the humans to know that Sorious Sam Sumana might not come here till thy kingdom come.
Oh Sorious, what a shame on you! So you cannot defend your montage work eh! Hope this serves as a lesson for you Haja Zeera employers. Next time, they will know the type of mortal man to send to the Lion Mountain to investigate and expose tiff man dem.
At this juncture, let me inform you that we invited a female human in the Lion Mountain to come and prosecute Sorious this morning. And the lady called Sylvie Iron Lady is here in the Ariogbo Kingdom. But oh ya! Maybe Sorious got wind of the fact that Sylvie Iron Lady was going to come this morning to turn him up-side-down that was why he decided to bolt away. All the same, I will allow the Lion Mountain’s only female newspaper publisher to say something before I adjourn today’s proceeding.
SYLVIE IRON LADY: Thank you very much Judge Gaddafi. But true say tok me, me ar nor glady this morning oh! Ar nor glady tiday ar nor glady tumara! I came here well set to expose the criminal undertakings of Sorious Sam Sumana this morning. I intended to expose Sorious to the world this morning. If Sorious had resisted the urge to run away, the world would have known today that he is nothing but a common criminal. Aaaa me…look wae ar miss ba! I need to return now to my kingdom, get myself a cold bottle of water to cool down my temperature. E get luck wae e run away. I should have shown him today between me and him, who is the ojukokoro journalist. I rest my case, sir.
JUDGE GADDAFI: You have just listened to Sylvie Iron Lady. In that light, I adjourn this matter sine die. Goodbye.